Please note this important observation: Most parents and students are not guilty of any or many of these things, or not often. I want to express my appreciation for all the people who are hardworking, caring, thoughtful and professional, and would never dream of doing any of these things. To those people I owe a lifetime of gratitute.
From Mary, subscriber to String_Teacher_Support:
I thought, in the interest of balance, that we should also have a list
of positive things we love about the parents of our students.
- Parents who show up on time, with violin, extra bits and toys for the
smaller members of the troupe.
- Parents who sit in on the lesson and really pay attention to what is going on.
- Parents who from time to time request their own lesson to make sure they understand the principles involved.
- Parents who insist on proper behaviour while at the teacher's house or studio.
- Parents who pay their bills promptly and don't need reminding.
- Parents who, when cancelling last minute, do not expect you to move heaven and earth to accommodate a make-up lesson.
- Parents who show up for the recitals.
- Parents who try their best to get the student to practice and ask for ideas when the well runs dry.
Most of the parents in my studio are like these....I am very grateful to
have them. I even had one mom whose daughter tried out for the field
hockey team and got in unexpectedly and whose practices coincided with
her lesson time; she ended up paying for those times anyway because she
didn't feel it was fair for me to lose income over a last minute
decision on their part! I am the parent of six children who have all
taken lessons from others and so I know the other side of the coin.
Below, however, is a laundry list of negative things that have happened to most teachers. No offense is intended, but if you'd like to get—and remain—in the good graces of your teacher, here are some things that students and parents might want to try to avoid:
- Calling at the time you're supposed to show up, saying you can't make it (no real emergency evident or mentioned);
- Not calling at all, and then showing up for the following lesson as if nothing has happened (i.e., your teacher is a little steamed);
- "I forgot"—the fee, the return of materials, to have some important repair done, practicing some particularly onerous piece which you do not want to play, anyway, etc.
- Bad checks or not bringing the lesson fee when expected;
- Any ongoing, persistent pattern of a student being more than 10 minutes late without having called. Occasionally this is understandable, but if it becomes habitual, a lesson may end up being cancelled without possibility of makeup.
- Calling teacher by her first name (this is reserved for adult friends and family members);
- The "last name only" rule certainly is a personal preference. I don't like being called by my first name by shopkeepers—or anyone—unless they're close friends or family. But I'm not critical of people who don't mind that.
- Requesting a change of lesson time on the expected day of the lesson; or chronically missing lessons and then expecting makeup lessons to be scheduled at your convenience;
- Staying past the lesson time;
- I'm not talking about observing lessons, but people who stay in my house long past the lesson time. I had a really serious problem with one woman. She stayed a total of four hours once! And *always* an hour past the lesson time, as she was not able to get her child in tow. I dropped hints for weeks—that I had work to do on my writing, that I was tired, etc. Nothing worked, nothing sunk in. I finally had to get nearly cross with her.
- Allowing a child to break something and then not cleaning up and/or paying for it;
- New Suzuki parents who want to drop their students off, without attending the lessons themselves; or who are present during the lessons but don't pay any attention to what's going on, preferring instead to read magazines or play with their other children.
- NOT reading the Suzuki materials;
- NOT supervising or structuring home practice, and expecting the student to learn the instrument (by osmosis?? I'm not exactly sure.)
Somewhat less serious but nevertheless puzzling and/or annoying:
- Referring students or parents to webpages with pertinent information, and they never look at them;
- Babytalk: referring to every musical work as a "song" (e.g.: "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "Go Tell Aunt Rhody" are songs—Mozart and Vivaldi concerti are not);
..I am sure other teachers could add to the list.
Other teachers have added the following:
Students who demand attention over trivial things at a stressful time, such as right before a recital or concert.
One of the things I hate is when parents buy the most cheap, awful instrument they can find and expect it to sound great, AFTER you told
them NOT to do that. I usually have to spend time changing the strings
that the parent ends up buying, adjusting the bridge, changing the fine
tuners (parent has to buy) and I do this during lesson time so they end
up paying more for all the trouble than if they had just purchased a
better violin!
Asking the teacher questions after the child's lesson time is over so as to cut several minutes or more into the next student's lesson time.
- Teachers that don't teach the style of music the student wants to
learn. [Ed. note: I don't understand this: if you want to study a different style, you need to go to a teacher that teaches that style.]
- (Closely related to Point #1.) Parents who force an instrument or
style on a child because they want their offspring to learn some "cul-chuh." [Ed. note: Isn't this the parents' responsibility, not the teachers?]
- Teachers that earn a commission from selling us ANYTHING. If you
need extra income, McDonalds is hiring. [Ed. note: I completely disagree with this point of view. Teachers have a right to sell anything they wish. The remark is meanspirited as well, and shows a complete lack of respect for teachers.]
- Teachers who spend most of the lesson chatting rather than
teaching. If I pay you $15 for a half-hour lesson, every minute you
prattle on costs me the price of a soda. Every three minutes is the
price of a gallon of gas. Cha-ching! Back to work. [Ed. note: I can see where this would be a problem.]
- Snobs. Music is all good. [Ed. note: Yes, but resentment against anyone with a modicum of education is transparent.]
- I can't relate to the student complaints (material, above). Student suggestions would be more along the line of: be organized, consistent, give specific feedback that a student can work on, be prepared in the sense that if you are about to assign a new piece you are familiar with the technical challenges and have a plan of action ahead of time that the student can work on. That's assuming you have serious students who want an equally serious teacher, the best of two worlds.
As an adult student I would also like to find a balance where the teacher will both bother to listen to a student's concerns but also have the courage to tell the student that those concerns are just so much nonsense. And the inverse of those, for a student to seriously try the teacher's suggestions for a fair amount of time even if they seem counterproductive, but if they truly are, to give honest feedback. That kind of relationship goes a degree above formal respect and is the product of a build-up of trust over a period of time.
Inherent in greater commitment by both parties I think there is a certain vulnerability. If I as a student lay all my efforts out on the line, that makes me vulnerable. If I don't trust you, I won't put out my total effort. If you don't respect me or show consideration, I won't dare. If you as a teacher give your best and I constantly second-guess you or -- as in the examples in your list, couldn't care less -- that must be immensely insulting to your many years of expertise and effort in mastering this most difficult art.
- Teachers who never actually mention a lot of the students' mistakes. For example, intonation...gone to the wind. In scales, my old teacher would really grill me on my notes, but my current one? Heh. I might as well have been playing open strings for all that he notices. Which I suppose leads to another point, teachers who don't care. I could not practice at all, and he won't speak a word-not that I don't practice. I can bomb an audition, screw up a piece, and all I get is silence. Teachers who seem to think that everything is A-Okay not only annoy me, but I'm beginning to believe that he hates me.
- And another thing, teachers that push students way too fast. It's useless to move on at such blinding speeds that essential skills become only half-developed and barely mastered. Sometimes..I think I'm hurting myself as a player because of my teacher.
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